Linda Flanigan Hypnotherapy

“‘Tis the season to be jolly” we’re told at this time of year as we face the office party, the family get-togethers, the social events.    Lots of us let our hair down, embrace wearing the silly hats, getting  a little tipsy and throwing a few shakes on the dance floor, listening to Ted recounting the same story for the umpteenth time, eating just one too many mince pies, and all the while attempting to avoid the unbecoming photos that may end up on Facebook…

For others these social events of the year are one long nightmare: the very thought of socialising can strike fear into their hearts and they will go to any lengths to avoid it.   If that’s you then here are some tips to help you cope and dare I say Be Merry.

• First of all know that you’re not alone.  Many people are nervous in similar situations – some just hide it better than others.
• Don’t focus on negative thoughts: if you think you’re going to have a terrible time, chances are you will.   Don’t set yourself up to be anxious.
• Relax yourself before the event, find somewhere comfortable and, while you’re in a relaxed state, visualize things going well and how you’d like to be, feel, behave.
• Arrive early rather than late so that you’re not walking into a crowded room or faced with an endless round of introductions.
• Slow down and take deep abdominal breaths (when we’re nervous we breathe very shallow anxious breaths, so pay attention to your breathing).
• Be aware of your body language.   Smile!   It’s good for your body as it releases serotonin (the happy hormone) and people respond to a smile.   Look for other friendly, approachable  faces and introduce yourself.   Ask open questions that require an answer.  What do they think of the venue, music, food, drink etc?   Have a few topics in mind before you go.
• Be honest – if someone asks you if you’re enjoying yourself and you’re feeling nervous then it’s ok to say that.   People like people who are honest and don’t try to be someone they’re not.   You may find that they come back with a similar honest response and that can start a conversation going.  Remember, if you do make a mistake, or say something you didn’t mean to, don’t worry about it.  Nobody is perfect.  Everybody makes mistakes, even the really confident ones.
• Remember that people are generally thinking about themselves too much to be bothered about judging others.   Engage with them, pay them genuine compliments to put them at ease and they are more likely to respond positively.   Others like to talk about themselves: listen to their likes and dislikes and ask questions.
• Live in the moment: take in the décor, music, food, styles, etc.   Focus outwardly rather than inwardly, stop worrying about yourself and have the intention of making those you meet comfortable instead.

.  I’ve just booked my holiday and I can’t wait for take off!   Not everyone looks forward to it though – a phobia of flying always ranks in the top 10 lists of phobias.  It doesn’t matter how many safety statistics you mention or facts you present about modern day flights:  if someone is afraid of flying it can be an ordeal.

It doesn’t help that airports and airlines use so many negative sounding terms. Think about it: ‘Terminal’, ‘Departure Lounge’, ‘Final boarding call’. It’s like we’re being unconsciously programmed to think negatively!

No two people have exactly the same fears: my clients typically can have one or a combination of fears from claustrophobia to fear of heights, mechanical failure or attack and more.

Using hypnosis I help them learn new behaviours and ways of thinking about the flight, deal with the underlying fear and triggers, feel confident and manage the phobic situation and control any physical reactions.  I also give them tools and techniques to cope with both the expected and the unexpected.  A phobia is something that is eminently treatable.

If you’re about to leave on a jet (or other!) plane here are some top tips:

• Before you travel (and during the flight) think about all your positive reasons for making the trip and imagine how it will be and feel.  Do this regularly so that you think about that more than the journey.
• Request an aisle seat near to the front of the plane.  It is less claustrophobic and the effects of any turbulence are likely to be reduced.
• Don’t leave everything to the last minute: leave plenty of time for your journey to the airport allowing for any unavoidable hold-ups.
• Tell the cabin crew that you have a fear so that they can help you.
• Calm yourself with some deep breathing exercises. Breathe deeply from your stomach, not your chest.  Place your hands on your stomach with your fingertips touching on an out-breath. If you breathe in correctly, the finger tips should part as you do so.
• Drink lots of water to keep your body hydrated.
• If you come across turbulence remember it is just pockets of air.  Treat the turbulence as you would bumps in the road when you’re in a car.
• Keep yourself busy and distracted: play a game, lose yourself in a good book or some music or the in-flight film (bring your favourite funny movie to watch if you have a laptop).
• Take yourself off in your mind to another place/time when you felt really relaxed and/or confident.  Remember everything about that time.

That’s what I often hear from my clients when they come to me to stop smoking.   They all have their different reasons for quitting.  Whatever their reasons are, many of them say that change is hard and staying the same is easy.

But is that really the case?

Is it so easy to keep things as they are?  Or are you investing an awful lot of time, energy and thought in doing so?   A lot of time and energy that could be used more productively?   All our thoughts, emotions and behaviours involve huge investment.   When you think that maintaining a problem is easy are you really thinking about the hard work involved in doing so – could it be that change may actually be easier and bring a lot more benefits?

Maintaining the status quo takes a lot of conscious effort.   When you smoke you are investing in a behaviour that puts your short and long term health at risk. It is also a constant drain on your pocket.  Taking that into consideration, alongside the endless time either talking about, worrying about or thinking about giving up, then perhaps the mental change needed to stop smoking might not be as hard as you first thought.

The benefits of having shifted your mindset

Once you make the mind shift into thinking it may be easier to stop than to continue the good news about quitting is that you can reap the benefits really quickly.  According to the NHS after only 20 mins blood pressure and pulse are back to normal and circulation improves.  After 8 hrs blood oxygen levels normalise, nicotine & carbon monoxide levels halve and your chances of having a heart attack lessen.  After only 24 hrs your body is free of carbon monoxide & your lungs start getting rid of mucus and smoking related debris.   In 48 hrs your body is nicotine free and your sense of taste and smell is better.  In 72 hrs your energy levels are on the up and it’s easier to breathe.   Between 2-12 weeks your circulation is better and walking and exercising also gets easier. In 3-9 months lung efficiency improves by up to 10%, in turn easing breathing, coughing and wheezing.  After 5 yrs your risk of a heart attack drops to around half of that of a smoker.   In 10 yrs your risk of lung cancer will also drop to around half of that of a smoker.  Your risk of a heart attack will be about the same as someone who has never smoked.

The benefit to your pocket will also be immediate and just think about what you could achieve with all that extra cash…

I enjoy helping someone sleep when they’ve been troubled by a lack of sleep for years.   That’s just what I did recently when I helped a lovely woman get a regular good night’s rest.

If you’ve followed all the usual advice of avoiding doing something mentally active beforehand, or consuming too many stimulants or watching a stimulating tv programme, or associating bedtime with work (I could go on) yet still can’t sleep, what else can you do?

Think about what’s happening as you lie there tossing and turning.

Clock Watching?

Maybe you watch the clock all night, seeing the hours ticking by, constantly battling to get to sleep.  Perhaps you then worry that it’s now early morning and you’ll soon have to get up again?   If that sounds like you why not give up the battle?

Instead of trying too hard to sleep, let go.  Tell yourself that time doesn’t matter as you’re resting your body anyway.

Imagine a situation where you had to stay awake but wanted to fall asleep.  Maybe you were in school and supposed to be paying attention to the teacher.  The sun, however, was streaming in the window and you just couldn’t stay awake.   Picture a scene like that and try to keep yourself awake instead of battling to sleep.

Being hard on yourself?

Maybe you’re a pessimist thinking to yourself,  “I can’t do anything right, what else can go wrong?, I’m not good enough, I can’t even sleep!“   If this is more like you, why not be kinder to yourself?

Think about the positive things that have happened in your day, however small.  Maybe someone paid you a compliment, or thanked you for something. Perhaps you were asked for your opinion, or you helped someone out.  Maybe something made you laugh or you had a good memory.

Concentrate on the good things that happened and practise saying some positive things such as “something good is bound to happen again tomorrow”.

As you think of the positive things breathe in and think of a colour that you associate with good things.  As you breathe out breathe out any of the day’s tensions and whatever colour is represented by that.   Gradually replace the tense colour with the positive colour.

Trying to problem solve?

Perhaps you’re more of a problem-solver, lying there figuring out ways to sort things out, your thoughts racing round in circles:  “What do I need to do, what if I do this?  I should have said this, or done that.  What should I do next?  How can I resolve this?”

If that’s you, then start by telling yourself that you will deal with things at a more appropriate time.

Imagine putting all those dilemmas into a box, shutting the lid on and putting  it away in your wardrobe or in a drawer.  Imagine that box staying there until you are ready to deal with those issues.  It’s easier to deal with things when you’re feeling more awake and clear-headed.

You’ve nothing to lose… apart from another night’s sleep?    Sweet dreams everyone!